


I Know What I Have Found

by blkkskknhed



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Childhood, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Times, Fluff, Grief, Hurt, Love, Misunderstandings, Multi, Romance, Unintentional Heartbreak, Warning:Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-12 22:47:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2127348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blkkskknhed/pseuds/blkkskknhed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all begins when Erik Lehnsherr asks the quiet boy with the blue eyes if he can sit beside him on the bus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know What I Have Found

Charles presses his hot cheek against the cool, damp glass of the school bus. Outside, the rain gently slides down the window pane, the rolling countryside surrounding them appearing grey and dull. The bus slows to a stop outside a small smattering of cottages situated just outside Westchester estate. A lot of the children that board the bus are the children of Charles’ parents’ employees and so they keep their eyes low and nod at Charles uncertainly, none of them choosing to sit with him. In the seat behind him, he can hear his adopted sister Raven, giggling as the children almost genuflect at them. Charles doesn’t share her amusement and so he keeps his eyes trained on his feet, staring down at his brown leather loafers. 

“This is free, ja?” 

Charles frowns slowly and looks up. The young boy opposite him is tall and slim, a tweed cap pulled down over his face, almost as if he were trying to hide his face. Charles glances at the empty seat beside him and nods. The boy doesn’t wait for any more of an invitation and folds himself into the seat awkwardly. He smells like fresh air and freshly baked bread. His clothes were cheap but they were clean and well kept, unlike a lot of the other children that lived in those cottages. Behind them, Raven practically clambers over the seat to stare at the boy seated beside her brother. He gives them both a rather annoyed look before turning his attention elsewhere. Charles glances up at Raven questioningly, who, in turn, simply shrugs, her pigtails bobbing as she does so.

“I’m Raven.” She declares in a loud, cheerful voice. “And this is my brother, Charles.”

Charles feels his cheeks heat slightly as the boy fixes his eyes on him, the steel coloured orbs blinking as he takes him in.

“I…my…name, it is Erik.” He says in a thick, European accent.

Charles feels a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as Erik looks between them, obviously checking to make sure that he has said it right.

“You’re not American.” Raven points out, wrinkling her nose thoughtfully.

“I am German.” Erik provides with a one-shouldered shrug.

“That’s fascinating.” Charles decides.

Erik leans closer and frowns at him, a confused look on his face. Raven sighs impatiently at Charles and gives Erik an apologetic look.

“You’ll have to get used to _that_. He always uses big words.” 

“I like big words also.” Erik says carefully.

Charles beams at this, a triumphant look on his face.

“Would you like to be my friend, Erik?” he asks delightedly.

And little Erik feels his heart skip a beat because he’s never had a _friend_ before. All his life it has just been him and his mother and so, as he looks deep into the bright blue eyes of the boy opposite him, he nods his head and allows himself a small, unsure smile.

“Ja. I would like very much so.”

“And my friend too!” Raven quickly declares, shoving at Erik’s shoulder demandingly. “You can be my friend too, Erik.”

 

….

 

Erik celebrates his thirteenth birthday with his mother, Edie, and his two new best friends; Raven and Charles Xavier. He has only been attending school for the better part of year and yet he has already developed a fluency for English that has left his mother in awe. She is also awed by the two friends her son has made, for never has she seen children as bright or as well mannered. She is more than a little bit embarrassed by their meagre home when she sees the two Xavier children standing there, their arms laden down with food and presents.

“Mother sends her regards.” Charles explains with a smile. “And her apologies for being unable to attend.”

Edie takes the presents with a flush across her cheeks, _humiliated_ that the two children before her have given her son more for his birthday than she has in her entire lifetime. She chances a glance at her only child and is relieved to see that he seems embarrassed by the gifts as well.

“Charles…I…I can’t…” he mutters, pushing the gifts away with a sad look on his face.

“Of course you can!” Raven huffs, shoving the presents back at him. “Sharon was very insistent that we shower you with gifts and spoil you rotten!”

Charles laughs at this, a bright, happy look on his face as he smiles at Erik.

“Please, my friend. It would make us so happy if you would accept these.” 

Edie fingers her apron nervously as she watches a great many emotions flit across Erik’s face. He looks at her but she keeps her face carefully blank.

“I would never be able to repay you on your birthdays.” He says softly, his eyes downcast, a light blush spreading across his freckled cheeks.

And Edie feels as if her heart were about to burst when she sees the bewildered expressions on both the Xavier children’s faces. Charles raises his eyebrows at Erik and half-smiles, his eyes twinkling as he does so. 

“But why would you repay us? You don’t repay gifts.” He points out.

“Especially ones from _friends_.” Raven adds with a sniff.

Erik looks between them both uncertainly before allowing a shy smile to cross his face.

“Alright. Thank you, my friends. Danke.”

 

…..

 

“Girls are _not_ stupid.” Raven snaps, shoving Erik square in the chest.

The older boy laughs and throws a careless smile over his shoulder at Charles.

“They are, aren’t they, Charles? When you _finally_ make it to highschool, you’ll understand, Raven.”

Charles offers his sister an empathetic smile but it is ignored as Raven barrels Erik to the ground. The two of them hit the soft ground with a light _thud_ and Charles cannot help but laugh at the two of them wrestling. Raven is a dirty fighter and breaks every rule in the book as she pinches and nips at Erik’s skin with her teeth.

“Raven! Get off of him!” Sharon hisses as she emerges from the pool-house.

She is dressed for the city and Charles wonders how long she will be away for this time. He already noticed the luggage stored in the car but a small part of him had hoped that she was getting rid of her latest boyfriend. Raven rolls off of Erik and smooths down the front of her dress, a rather bashful look on her face. Erik sits up and nods his head at Sharon respectfully. She pays no attention and gives Raven a stern look.

“Ladies don’t behave like that, Raven. I’ve told you that time and time again.” She scolds, pulling her light summer jacket around her tighter.

“Where are you going?” Raven asks curiously.

“Away on business. “ Sharon snaps as she pulls on her sunglasses. “Now, please _do_ behave for the nanny. I refuse to allow this trip be cut short like the last one.”

Charles rolls his eyes. Raven had been admitted to hospital with pneumonia the last time. Her return really was unavoidable. Sharon doesn’t kiss them goodbye before she climbs into the car, neither does she wave. The three of them sit on the neatly trimmed lawn of Westchester and watch as the car travels down the loose gravel unevenly. When the car has pulled away, Raven sits down opposite Erik, her eyes narrowed as she looks him up and down.

“Admit that girls aren’t stupid.” She orders.

Erik simply laughs and lies down on the grass, stretching out his entire, lanky body. He stares up at the cloudless blue sky above them and shakes his head.

“Never. All girls are stupid.” He decides.

“I am _not_ stupid!” Raven growls.

“I never said you were stupid. I said _girls_ are stupid. You’re not a girl. You’re Raven.”

And Erik is oblivious to the hurt look in Raven’s eyes but fourteen year old Charles isn’t.

 

…..

 

Erik has just turned sixteen when his mother is diagnosed with lung cancer. It doesn’t come as shock, not really, not when Edie can barely stand or even open her eyes some days. 

So, he leaves school and starts to work in the local factory a few miles down the road. The work is exhausting and Erik can’t help but wonder when his life is going to get better, when God is going to stop dealing him the worst hand. 

One evening, when he returns from yet another fourteen hour shift, he comes across Charles sitting in the kitchen, chatting away to Edie animatedly as she sips her soup. There is a soft look in her eyes and Erik can see that she is _happy_.

“Mama.” He greets in a voice that is no longer the voice of a boy.

Charles startles a little at the unexpected arrival of his friend but he recovers quickly and throws Erik a wide smile over his shoulder. Edie smiles at her son tiredly and pats the seat beside her.

“Come. Sit and eat. There is stew in the pot.” 

Erik walks over to the pot and ladles himself a big bowl of the warm soup. He glances over his shoulder to see that Charles is watching him with big, round eyes.

“Your mother and I were just saying what a pity it is you had to leave school.” Charles sighs as Erik sits down opposite him.

Erik sneaks a betrayed look at Edie who simply spoons more soup into her mouth. He grunts non-committedly and begins to eat with gusto. He is _starving_ and he hears his spoon scraping the bottom of the bowl much too soon.

“My own mother agrees.” Charles continues once Erik has finished eating. “And that is why she has offered to pay for a tutor and-”

“No.” Erik snaps quickly, almost dropping his bowl.

Charles frowns lightly, a confused smile twisting at his lips.

“B-but you were getting on _fantastically_ at school and Mother-”

“I said no, Charles.” Erik growls. 

Beside him, Edie is getting to her feet. Erik goes to help her but she pushes his hands away determinedly.

“I am fine.” She chides. “You sit here and you talk.”

They both sit in silence as they watch Edie make her way to her bedroom, her raspy breathing haunting them both.

“She looks better.” Charles decides.

“She looks like shit.” Erik snarls.

Charles seems a little taken-aback by Erik’s reaction but he nods all the same, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“Well…she’s your mother so I suppose you’d know better.” He acknowledges.

“What do you want?” Erik sighs, gathering the dirty dishes in his hands and making his way to the sink.

“I want you to at least _consider_ getting a tutor in twice a week or-”

“ _No_.” Erik hisses as he drops the dishes into the sink. “Don’t bring it up again, Charles.”

“It’s a waste of a fine mind!” Charles argues, getting to his feet and going to stand by Erik at the sink. “You’re smart, everyone says so! Even my mother thinks so-”

“ _Oh_ , well, if the kind, benevolent Sharon Xavier thinks that the poor as shit boy living at the end of her driveway is smart then it must be true!” Erik declares sarcastically. 

Charles flinches a little at his words but he stands his ground.

“Erik, we care about you. We just want to try and _help_ -”

“I don’t need your help.” Erik barks. “We are fine the way we are.”

“Alright.” Charles says quietly. “You’re fine.”

Erik makes a grunting sound and nods approvingly before turning back to the sink. He scrubs the plates perhaps a little too vigorously, trying to drain out the sound of his own thudding heart.

“I miss you, my friend. I…please, don’t forget about us.”

“I can’t leave my mother, Charles.” 

“Please, don’t leave _me_.”

 

…..

 

The year Erik turns eighteen, Edie appears to get better. The doctors warn them that it might simply be a second wind, her body recovering slightly before the final deterioration but they don’t listen to them. Edie tells Erik time and time again that this is it; she is finally back to full health. And Erik may no longer be a child but he is still naïve and trusting and so he believes her. It is also the year that he is supposed to have graduated from highschool and it hurts a lot more than he expected to see Charles running down his path, his diploma waving above his head and a bright smile plastered across his face.

“Erik! Oh, Erik, I wish you could have seen it! It was all really quite marvellous!” He announces as he steps into the kitchen.

It is his seventeenth year and he is no longer the small, shy little boy who used to let Raven do all the talking. He is at the awkward inbetween stage, neither a man nor a boy and yet he is still beautiful, Erik decides. Their friendship had gone through a brief rocky patch but they recovered quickly when Charles decided that begging Erik to accept a tutor wasn’t worth running the risk of ending their friendship.

“Congratulations.” Edie declares as she bustles about the kitchen, in a rush to ice the cake she had baked for the occasion. 

Raven steps in the door behind Charles, her long, flaxen hair curling below her shoulders. She is a polo-neck and short, black miniskirt and Erik cannot help but notice how her legs have filled out.

“It was a total snooze-fest.” She sighs, throwing herself down onto the hard, lumpy sofa. “And they did it all alphabetically so of course, Charles _X_ avier was fucking last.”

Erik snorts at this and leans back in the kitchen chair, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“So…what do you do now? Wait for a college to get back to you?” he asks.

Charles and Raven share a look that makes Erik’s heart sink.

“One’s already gotten back to you?” he pushes, looking between the two of them desperately. “Which one? Harvard? Yale?”

“Oxford.” Charles says quietly. 

Erik frowns.

“As in…oh.” He breathes as the penny drops.

Charles had been accepted into one of the most prestigious universities in the world. It was also a university that was _half-way_ across the world, in the United fucking Kingdom.

“Yeah.” Raven pouts. “ _Oh_.”

Edie spins around to save the day, a large, iced cake balancing in her arms. She carries it over to the table and orders Erik to make some tea.

“The kind Charles likes.” She orders and it takes all of Erik’s patience not to snap that he knew that.

Of course he knew that. He’s been pouring tea for Charles since he was eleven years old.

“I’ll drink anything.” Charles says politely, glancing at Erik nervously.

“She went out and bought you Earl Grey.” Erik sighs as he roots around in the cupboards. 

“Oh…” Charles breathes.

“Yeah.” Erik says softly. “ _Oh_.”

 

…..

 

“Are you going to take it?” Erik asks one summer’s day.

They are down by the river that runs through Westchester grounds. Erik is waist deep in the water whilst Charles is paddling on the bank, a pensive look on his face. They can see Raven in the distance, running through the garden with Sharon’s dogs yapping at her feet. It is peaceful down by the river. The water is cool and clear and Erik lies back in the water, floating on his back and staring up at the sky above him.

“I don’t know.” Charles finally murmurs, kicking his legs out playfully. “I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing with my life.”

Erik turns his head slightly and offers his friend a small smile.

“Don’t lie. You always were a terrible liar, Charles.”

Charles looks up at him, a grin tugging at the corner of those sinfully red lips and Erik finds himself wondering what it would be like to _kiss_ those lips, to feel them move against his own. Erik drags his gaze away from them and looks into his bright, blue eyes instead. Charles is watching him with a peaceful expression on his face, a serene smile spread across his lips.

“Do _you_ want me to go?” he asks softly.

Erik looks away and stares back up at the clear sky above him. The sky reminds him of Charles’ eyes and he knows he doesn’t want him to go. Charles is all he has. He knows that has his mother and Raven as well but Charles is _his_. Charles belongs to him, he knows it. He has felt it ever since they were children. Charles was popular amongst their peers and was constantly being invited to parties and sleepovers but Charles would never go, not unless Erik was by his side. But Erik also knows he can’t _say_ that, not when Charles has dreamed of Oxford all his life. 

Out of the corner of his eye he can see Raven approaching them. He clears his throat quietly and fans his hands through the water, touching Charles feet as he does so.

“I want you to do what you think is best.” Erik decides.

Charles rolls his eyes fondly and kicks out at him playfully.

“Thanks for copping out, Lehnsherr.” He mocks.

Erik reaches out and pulls Charles legs forcefully, dragging the younger teen into the water. He makes an indignant sound before it is drowned out by the noise of his splash. Erik laughs loudly and he can see Raven bounding towards them now, not wanting to miss out on the fun. When Charles resurfaces, he looks like a sad, wet puppy. His hair is plastered across his forehead and his shirt clings to him in a way that makes Erik’s mouth go dry. 

“That was uncalled for.” He spits, water dribbling from his mouth pathetically.

Erik pulls him closer and hugs him tightly, inhaling sharply as he does so.

“I’m going to miss you.” He whispers sadly.

Charles pulls away, his brows furrowed deeply and he looks as if he is battling with something when Raven throws herself into the river, saturating them both with her splash. Erik searches Charles’ faces desperately but Charles is looking away from him now, a wide, beaming smile on his face as he listens to Ravens loud, cheerful laugh.

Erik wishes he could kiss him.

 

…..

 

Charles accepts Oxford’s offer and so Sharon does what is expected of her; she throws a lavish dinner party as an official send off for her only son. Both Erik and Edie are invited and Erik can feel his mother’s nerves as they walk up the gravelled drive. She is in her best dress and Erik has rolled and pinned her hair like they saw in the magazines. He had even gone so far as to put some rouge on her lips and cheeks. When they step inside, however, they immediately see that they are very, very underdressed. Edie clutches at Erik’s arm and shakes her head.

“I shouldn’t be here.” She breathes, obviously wanting to bolt for the nearest door.

Erik opens his mouth to try and reassure her when Sharon comes swooping towards them, her frost, polite smile firmly in place.

“Edie, I am delighted you could make it. Please, help yourself to some of the canapés; dinner shouldn’t be too much longer.” 

Sharon drapes one arm around Edie’s shoulders and pushes her towards the crowd. Erik watches her go with an anxious feeling in his chest. That is soon forgotten, however, when Charles appears by his side, quite pleasantly buzzed by the champagne in his hand.

“Are you drunk?” Erik asks incredulously.

Charles sniggers a little and nods.

“I’m afraid so, my friend. Raven and I have been drinking since six this evening.” 

Erik snorts a little at this and sure enough, he can see Raven stumbling towards them, looking beautiful in a simple black dress.

“We’ve decided we’re going to skip dinner.” Raven declares as she arrives beside them. “Instead, the three of us are going to go down to the river with some champagne and get fucking drunk.”

Erik sneaks a chance at Charles who is nodding enthusiastically, his eyes much brighter than usual, so bright that Erik feels as if they should be a light source all by themselves. 

“Alright.” Erik finally agrees steadily. “Let’s go.”

It doesn’t take them very long to get drunk. The champagne is fizzy and Erik can feel the bubbles going to his head. The dark countryside surrounding them spins whenever he moves and he can hear Raven giggling beside him, the heat of her body curled against his side.

“Truth or dare, Erik!” She pushes loudly, her head lolling back on his shoulders.

“Truth.” He manages to slur.

“Have…have you ever been kissed?” Charles asks.

Erik exhales loudly and turns his head so that he can look at his best friend mournfully.

“You know I haven’t.” he says softly.

Even in his inebriated state he can make out a flash of something behind Charles’ eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but before he can Raven is pulling his face in her direction. She presses her lips against his sweetly and he can feel her smiles against his mouth.

“There!” She declares dramatically. “You’re turn, Charles.”

“Truth.” Charles says.

Raven giggles and shakes her head.

“ _No_ , I meant it’s your turn to kiss Erik!” She exclaims excitedly.

Erik feels his entire body stiffen as he turns to look at Raven. She is grinning at him dangerously and Erik wonders if she knows. 

“No, Raven.” He hears Charles whisper.

Raven rolls her eyes and pushes Erik towards Charles.

“If I had to do then so do you. Just fucking kiss, it’s not a big deal.” She demands.

Erik chances looking up at Charles and he can feel his spirit soaring as he licks his lips and moves closer to Erik, his blue eyes suddenly much too bright and wet looking. Erik swallows the sudden, unexplainable lump in his throat and gravitates towards Charles. When they’re lips touch, Erik feels as if he has been electrocuted. His entire body jumps and he feels his hairs stand on end. Their lips move against one another tentatively at first but then Erik can feel Charles pulling him closer and opening his mouth and _fuck_ Erik doesn’t know what he’s doing and before he can even register what has happened, he can feel Raven’s mouth moving against the corner of his. He turns his head ever so slightly and Raven slips her tongue between theirs. It’s sloppy and it’s wet and Erik feels a little disgusted by what is happening but he can’t stop, not when he can feel Charles’ hand trailing down the front of his chest, stopping only inches from his belt. 

It’s Raven who breaks the kiss, pushing the three of them apart, a wild look in her eyes. She laughs loudly and falls backwards into the grass, kicking her long, shapely legs into the air.

“ _What_ was that?” She shrieks.

And Erik looks at Charles, in case the younger man might hold the answer but Charles is watching him with a pained expression, his lips red and wet and swollen. 

“Erik.” He whispers. “I…I love you.”

And Erik struggles to his feet, his head still spinning because he _can’t_. He can’t do this, not today, not when he has had his first kiss and he feels as if his heart is about to explode. 

And especially not whilst they are all drunk and stupid and saying things that they don’t mean. 

And not when his biggest fear is that he might echo Charles’ words and ask him not to leave.

So he runs back to the mansion and pushes past the guests. He ignores the sharp, jabbing feeling in his chest and grabs his mother’s arm, telling her repeatedly that they _need to go_. Edie is startled but she does as he tells her and doesn’t ask questions, not even Erik starts to cry as they walk down the gravelled path.

 

…..

 

Charles moves away and Edie dies.

She passes away on a clear October morning. Erik finds her resting peacefully in her bed, looking just as if she were sleeping. Erik doesn’t know what to do at first. He is overwhelmed. He doesn’t know who to call or what to ask so he simply climbs into the bed beside his mother and sleeps with her, desperately trying to find his peace of mind.

It comes when he wakes. He dresses and walks up to the mansion and tells Sharon, quite calmly, what has happened. 

“Oh.” She breathes, inhaling through her nose sharply.

For a moment he thinks she is going to hug him but then she steps to the side instead, telling him that Raven is upstairs. She assures Erik that she will arrange a funeral and tells him that he is welcome to stay as long as he likes. Erik nods his thanks and climbs up the gilded staircase, the house feeling horribly empty without Charles by his side. He walks to Raven’s room as if he were in some kind of a dream, his body slow and sluggish. When he reaches her door, he doesn’t even have the energy to knock. He pushes the mahogany door open and steps inside to find Raven lying on the bed in her dressing gown.

“Jesus, Erik, you could have fucking knock…” 

She falls silent as she takes in his face.

“Mama is dead.” He hears himself say, his voice hoarse, much hoarser than he would have liked.

He looks up at her with wet, bewildered eyes.

“She’s _dead_.” 

Raven swallows hard and stands outstretching her arms and Erik walks into her embrace like a blind man searching for his cane. He clings to her desperately and buries his face in the side of her neck, hating the tears that slide out from underneath his closed eyelids. When they pull away, Erik presses his mouth against hers and he doesn’t know _why_ he is doing this but he knows that he needs it. He is relieved when Raven doesn’t pull away. Instead she kisses him back just as desperately, her hands clinging to his jumper as he walks them backwards and pushes her down onto the bed. She emits a little gasp of surprise as he folds his body over hers but she doesn’t ask him to stop. Soon enough they have both discarded their clothing and Erik hasn’t a clue what he is doing but Raven obviously does so she rolls them over, straddles Erik and pushes him inside her. It is hot and fast and messy and nothing like how Erik imagined sex would be but still, he comes with a hoarse grunt as Raven stops riding him, her head thrown back and her mouth hanging open. 

Erik feels sick and he doesn’t know what to say so he simply lies there and stares at the ceiling as Raven dresses herself.

“Are you...okay?” she finally whispers but Erik can’t look at her so he simply shrugs.

“No.”

 

…..

 

Charles arrives the day after the funeral, a tortured look on his face as he steps inside Erik’s cottage. He is dressed in tweed and has an Oxford scarf draped around his neck. His cheeks are pink from the bitter wind and his lips are chapped looking and yet Erik has never seen anything so beautiful.

“My friend, I am so _desperately_ sorry.” He croaks as he steps forward and he goes to hug Erik but Erik sidesteps him and shakes his hand instead.

Charles appears more than a little put out by this but he says nothing. He takes a seat at the bare table and looks at Erik with eyes that are impossibly sad.

“My flight was delayed.” He explains. “I couldn’t get home quick enough.”

Erik doesn’t say anything, he just continues to look at his hands. 

“Mother said the service was beautiful.”

Erik snorts at this and rolls his eyes.

“Yes, well. _She’s_ the one who organized it so I suppose she would think that.” Charles says helplessly.

He reaches across the table and tries to rest one hand atop Erik’s but Erik shoves him away violently. 

“Don’t.” he warns.

Charles’ bottom lip begins to tremble and Erik hates watching him blink away the tears.

“I’m _sorry_ , Erik. I shouldn’t have told you I loved you. I was drunk and stupid and I-”

“I slept with Raven.” Erik hears himself say and then he thinks that he can hear Charles’ heart break in two because his face is the perfect mask of agony.

The younger man turns his face away, his brows furrowed deeply and all that either of them can hear is the sound of Charles’ raspy breathing.

“You…you slept with Raven?” he repeats, his eyes wide and wet.

Erik nods mechanically.

“Yes.”

Charles swallows loudly before pushing his chair away from the table, his hands trembling as he gets to his feet.

“I am terribly sorry for your loss.” He mutters before racing out of the house and Erik can hear his footsteps on the gravel long after his has left.

 

…..

 

Erik writes Charles almost every day for three months. He sends each and every letter, careful to write the proper address, getting Raven to check and triple check the envelopes when he is done. After Christmas has come and passed and there is still no word from Charles, Erik turns to Raven for help.

“He’s ignoring me too.” Raven says huffily, a mug of coffee in her hands as she warms herself by the fire. “I don’t know what I’ve done but he refuses to talk to me either.”

“What are we going to do?” Erik demands impatiently.

Raven stares into the flames of the fire and thinks hard, her entire face darkening with concentration. When the idea hits her, she lights up like a Christmas tree, a bright, beaming smile spreading across her face.

“We should go visit him! Charles would never turn us away after travelling all that distance!”

 

…..

 

Charles’ dorm is a lot darker and dirtier than Erik had previously imagined. The halls were filled with students drinking from plastic cups and chatting loudly over the obnoxious music playing. Raven was busy talking to some boys, trying to find out which room was Charles’ at the other end of the hall. Erik was supposed to be asking the people around him but he pushes through the crowd silently, his eyes searching desperately for the familiar twinkle of blue eyes or shiny red lips. 

“Room twenty-two, Erik!” Raven roars from the other side of the hall and Erik turns to nod at her. 

He steps out into the stairwell and climbs the stairs to the floor above them. He marches down the wooden floors and counts the rooms in his head. When he reaches twenty-two he takes a deep breath and twists the doorknob only to freeze as he hears the squeaking of old mattress springs and the sound of Charles groaning. He can make out the sound of another man, grunting in an animalistic fashion and when Erik opens the door more, he can just make out Charles’ perfectly round derriere propped up in the air as a burly, hairy gentleman takes him from behind. Erik doesn’t say anything but his eyes meets Charles’ and he knows that that is enough. 

He steps back outside and makes sure to slam the door behind him as loud as he can. He races down the hallway and takes the stairs two at a time. Once he has rejoined the party, he grabs a bottle of wine and begins to down it quickly, trying not to gag on the bitter taste or the fact that was warm. Raven appears at his side and gives him a curious look.

“He’s busy.” Erik spits and Raven’s expression clears as she nods in understanding.

“Okay. We’ll just meet him tomorrow.”

 

…..

 

They don’t meet Charles at all. When they return to his dorm the following day, they find that his room is locked and none of his friends or neighbours know where he has disappeared. 

They decide to fly home the following day. The journey home is mostly silent and Raven rests her head on Erik’s shoulder, a perplexed look on her face.

“I just don’t know what I’ve done to him.” She breathes as they watch the lights of New York spread out beneath them.

“Nothing.” Erik soothes. “This is my fault.”

Raven glances at him, a sad look in her eyes.

“Did you tell him….about us?” 

Erik nods.

“You know I did.”

Ravens face crumples and she entwines her fingers in Erik’s.

“Do you love him too?” She asks quietly, staring down at their hands.

Erik turns his head away and remains silent. 

“I _know_ you do.”

 

…..

 

In the summer of Erik’s twenty-second year, Sharon Xavier hangs herself in her best dress and jewels. She hangs herself near the rose garden so she is surrounded by beautiful flowers and heavenly smells. Erik thinks that is quite a romantic image; her lifeless body hanging from a tree as the flowers dance in the breeze around her.

Raven doesn’t agree.

“Why would she do this?” She demands again and again and it suddenly strikes Erik that Raven is the lady of the house now.

Charles arrives the morning after they find her and he is very much the young man Erik imagined he would be. He is impeccably dressed and his hair is fashionably cut. He has filled out in the ways only a boy can and once again, Erik fights the urge to kiss him when he steps inside the mansion, a dark look in his eyes.

He doesn’t say anything as he steps inside, he simply marches towards Raven and embraces her tightly, causing her to choke on her tears and sob into his shoulder desperately. Erik feels as if he is intruding but he finds that he cannot look away. The tension between the both of them seems to ebb away as they cling to each, both of them crying loudly.

“I’m sorry, I am so _fucking_ sorry.” Raven repeats over and over and Charles is shushing her, his elegant hands playing with her hair just like he used to when they were younger.

“I was selfish.” Charles mumbles against her forehead. “I was so terribly selfish, Raven. Please forgive me.”

When they finally come apart, they are still holding hands, both of their cheeks pink and tear-stained. Charles slowly turns to look at him and the air between them becomes choked up with things unsaid. Erik blinks through the haze and offers Charles the ghost of a smile.

“Can I get one of those too?” He manages to say.

Charles doesn’t move but he gives Erik a small smile before turning his attention back to Raven, a fond, gentle smile on his face.

“I love you.” He says softly and Erik cannot shake the feeling that Charles is speaking to him too.

 

…..

 

It’s the night of the funeral before Erik gets a chance to speak the Charles alone. The house is still full of mourners, chatting and reminiscing about Sharon. Erik had noticed Charles slip out of the house and decided to follow him down to _their_ spot by the river.

There is so much that Erik wants to say, so much he needs to explain but when he sees Charles lying on the bank with his shirt undone, staring up at the stars, he finds that he is at a loss for words.

“This is free, ja?” He asks in a rough voice.

Charles glances at him and it feels like an eternity has passed before he nods. Erik climbs down onto the ground beside him, their sides pressed against one another. He turns his head so that he is facing Charles and offers the younger man a small smile.

“My name is Erik.” He breathes and he hopes that Charles _understands_.

The blue eyes opposite him flicker a little as he smiles.

“I’m Charles. You’re not from around here, are you?” he whispers hoarsely.

Erik shakes his head minutely, inching his hand along Charles’ side.

“No. But I’m in love with you.”

He hears the hitch in Charles’ breath and watches as the younger man closes his eyes. They lie in silence for the longest time, the faint sounds coming from the house drifting past them. When Charles opens his eyes, he is smiling.

“Would you like to kiss me?”

Erik nods, biting down on his lip as he moves closer.

“Ja.”

**Author's Note:**

> Riiiight, so if you got this far you deserve a round of applause.
> 
>  
> 
> PLEASE tell me what you think. This my longest one-shot ever hehe


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